Monkey Snacks

A cunning plan requires genius, creativity and lots of spying. HelmsBot has been parked outside the Perpetual Laboratories research complex and made a wonderful discovery. They let Hungry Monkey Snacks do all their vending machines.

See, sometimes breaking into companies requires high tech sound suppressors, electronic key scramblers and other stuff Tom Cruise pretends he knows about. That kind of gear is fun if you’re a villain with a knack for breaking and entering, but I’m a pirate. I’m more into the lying and killing. I rather have one clever ruse rather than trying to predict how many sensors I need to bypass or Morgan forbid, try to slink and jump through a grid of lasers like Aeon Flux. I just don’t have the thighs for it.

On the day of the break in, we’re going to do something simple. We’re going to hijack a Hungry Monkey Snacks truck. We’re going to a simple truck jacking, and then empty all the high salt content potato chips and stale cookies back at the lair. We’ll then load the truck up with Bots and literally just drive into the complex. They’ll be expecting crappy snacks to keep them going through the day and instead they will get faces full of lasers.

Once inside the complex, I’m sure we’ll have no trouble finding the personal force field. We’ll just follow the path of most resistance. I think I’ll leave the chainsaws on my Bots. I’m deleting the zombie combat programs that would result in gory decapitations and actually, I’m deleting any real chainsaw combat. I think a running chainsaw will be enough to terrify any foolish guards we run across.

So to sum up my cunning plan, it involves hijacking and then posing as a snack truck. And then we shoot people a lot. All right, this plan is done! I’m off to watch ‘Cutthroat Island’ again.