Support Your Local Fence

Monday was a total wash for me. I just did the big raid on Saturday, spent the loose cash on rum and electronics on Sunday, and Monday, well, I mostly slept Monday off. Being a super villain means never having to work on Monday if you don't want to.

Today I went to see Mad Dave. He's the most reputable Fence in Comfort Bay, which means he is known for selling your stuff and not ratting out where he got it to the first sidekick who scowls at him. My sources in the Underworld told me that Dave was a little odd, but honest. Good, let him be the honest one.

I'm not going to tell you where Mad Dave is located, but I will say his place we pretty clean. The tiled floor had mop ruts in the floor where someone had scrubbed it obsessively for the last twenty years. The lights were as bright as a lighthouse operated by a six year old afraid of the dark. Mad Dave himself was a sterling example of grooming, as every bit of clothing he was wearing looked like he just got it out of the dryer.

"Scarlett Drake? I've been expecting you. Nice job you did there."

Those were the first words Dave said to me and I was liking him already.

"That was just a scouting raid. Before long I'll be doing something really worth talking about. But in the mean time, I got some loot to sell."

"Very well," Mad Dave said. He then put on a pair of latex gloves and then put on a pair of rubber gloves over them. We walked out to the van where I opened the back door and let him see my haul.

"Yes, yes, I know just the man who will buy these paintings," he said. "I can sell these watches to a wizard I know who's planning to command time. Oh! Nice gun. I can sell this to a gang leader I know."

On and on he went, talking out loud as he cataloged my treasure. It was nice to hear him ramble. I could just feel the cash total rising higher and higher.

Eventually he took out a calculater and put in a number. Mad Dave showed it to me and I frowned.

"This is about half of what I was epecting," I said.

Mad Dave shrugged. "There is a recession going on. The economy just hasn't been the same since the Republicans took over. Although . . ."

I squinted at him with my non cybernetic eye. "Yes?"

Mad Dave licked his lips. "I could double that offer if you did me a small favor . . ."

Uh oh. I reconized that look. It was the same look Diva Pain would give me whenever I asked for a raise. That look was usually accompanied by a shifting of the hips and a suggestion that I was wearing too many clothes for a promotion. Oh well. That's one of the disadvantages of being a hot female super villain.

I sucked in my stomach and went up a cup size. "What kind of favor?" I asked. I didn't tell him that anything too forward would get him a Blasket shot to the lap.

Mad Dave swallowed and said, "If you were to get one of your Bots to step on my foot, I'll double my offer and throw in two tickets to 'Wicked'."

I blinked. That was one bizarre request. As I was processing it, it occurred to me that he mentioned 'Wicked'. That was the most anticpated show in town. "Wicked the play? What day?"

"Opening night on Friday."

I looked at 1stMateBot. I've had my Bots do a lot of terrible things. They're my gimmick and my tools, but I also look at them as my crew. I've had to them shoot people, yank purses from old women and once in a while, I even have them make prank phone calls to old boyfriends. I've never really used one to satisfy someone else's sick needs. I debated until I realized it was for 'Wicked'.

"1stMateBot, step on his foot."

Mad Dave shuddered with delight as 1stMateBot took a step forward onto Mad Dave's foot. Unfortunately for Mad Dave, I didn't specify wether to put his full weight on Dave's foot. The sound of metal crushing bone was a rather gruesome sound. I kind of liked it.

"Was that too much?" I asked. There was a bit of evil glee in my voice I am proud to say.

Mad Dave closed his eyes for a few seconds and then said, "Now you can."

1stMateBot removed his foot and Mad Dave hobbled over to a crate. I tried not looking at his mangled foot. Mad Dave reached into his pockets and counted out my money in nice lovely cash. He topped the pile with the tickets and handed them to me.

"You are a wonderful woman, it was a pleasure doing business with you." He was smiling like a sailor with free keg of rum.

"Errr, right," was all I could manage to say.

I had the Bots unload the van and we drove off. Tonight I plan to hit the male stripclub, 'Men-R-Us' and blow some of my hard earned cash on some smooth chested guys with an exhibitionist complex instead of whatever Mad Dave is currently suffering under. I hear that on Tusedays it's Country and Western night. Argg, I hope it's the costumes and not the music.