Hammocks and Laser Cannons

I am now officially moved into my Secret Lair. I'd been moving in all week and I have to say that my Bot crew are pretty handy movers. They never complain when you can't decide where to put that pirate hat rack. I don't know how other villains do it. Oh wait, I do. They get their henchmen to do it and will shoot them down, cyborg their minds or crack their spines when they complain. I don't miss those days at all.

I rented a warehouse in the dock area of Comfort Bay. This is really a crappy run down part of town. My warehouse looks awful from the outside but inside it's actually very well maintained. There are no leaks, solid sound proofing everywhere and the electrical system is suspiciously capable of handling my automatic laser defense cannons. I wonder what the blazes this place used to hold. Could I be taking over someone else's old hideout?

Originally I had planned for my first crime in Comfort Bay to be something big, iconic and keeping with my Pirate roots. I debated attacking a cruise ship right as it comes into port, or maybe attacking the Naval Musuem. You want to make the right impression when settling into a city. Let them know what that there's a new Captain in town and she ain't taking orders from no spandex wenches.

Yep, that was the plan. Unfortunately, the rent to the warehouse wiped out my savings. The deposit was a real scourge. I had enought to move in and get my weapons out of storage, but no cash left over for furnishings. I guess I could have roughed it and slept on the floor but darn it, I'm a Pirate Queen of High tech Crime! I was so not going to spend my first night in my first solo hideout sleeping on the floor.

That is why last night I got the Bot crew together and we drove down to Furniture Carnival. It was 2 in the morning but that didn't matter to my Bots. They don't get tired or cranky when it gets late. BosunBot jacked into the pitiful security system they had and cancelled out the alarms. 1stMateBot accompanied me with his single headlight as I picked and choose my new furnishings. CookBot loaded the van while HelmsBot kept the engine running and monitored the police bands. I swear, my crew is one, err, four well oiled machines.

The prices that these people charge for furniture makes me glad I'm a pirate. Sheesh, did the world run out of trees while I was in the Carribean? Are the handles made of real gold? How do normal people afford this robbery? By the time the van was loaded, I was hauling more cash value than the last bank robbery I was in. Granted, I can't imagine how I would fence a four poster King sized bed but it is tempting.

The theft went so smooth at first that I thought I might be able to sneak this crime out without making it my debut. The truck was loaded and 1stMateBot reported that we didn't leave so much as a single footprint behind. I was climiing into the passenger seat when disaster struck. A taxicab was cruising down the street and most likely didn't even see us much less think we were up to anything. Unfortunately, HelmsBot apparently has a few flaws in his Threat Assesment Programming. He leaned out the window and fired three beautifully perfect if entirely unneccassary laser shots from his arm cannon. I would have cheered at how fast he was if I wasn't too busy gasping in horror as the cab burst into flames.

My first kill in Comfort Bay was a cab driver. Not my proudest moment.

HelmsBot happily drove off and got us back to our lair without commiting any other acts of murder. I know I built them and all but sometimes they are just too hardcore. He slaughtered that cabbie without hesitation and updated his kill ratio file. On the other hand, that was pretty awesome! HelmsBot is a steel cold killer without a care in the world and I'm his
Captain! That makes me a bad mamma jamma by default.

I awoke this morning on my new bed and turned on the TV. Local News 7 had Janet Baker's frowning face talking about the senseless (Boy, if they only knew) death of a cab driver. Police suspect it's related to the theft of several thousand dollars worth of stolen furniture on the same street. There were no suspects yet, but the laser holes they found in the cab suggested a high tech super-villain. They forgot to mention that is was a high tech super villian with an AWESOME bedroom suite.