Piracy for Fun and Hero Bashing

By now you’ve seen the news coverage, you’ve downloaded the clips from the Internet and your friends have discussed how my robbing of the offices of Maximum Security Records was the most exciting thing to hit Comfort Bay in years. The press ate it up. They just loved reporting how a super villain with a pirate theme engaged in an act of direct piracy against a record company. That’s called Irony. It’s a surefire way of making sure your crime stays in the news cycle until Helen Hilton accidently releases another sex tape.

Anyway, I’m sure you saw the security footage but it doesn’t compare to actually being there. Helmsbot drove the getaway van right through the very beautiful and very fragile glass doors into the lobby. My Bots poured out the back, firing their arm lasers at any poor bastard who happened to be there. The Bots and I had our lasers set to Stun, but let’s a nasty Ten-Tasers-On-The-Nads kind of Stun. It really messes up your Christmas.My records show we nailed two security guards, a UPS guy, all five members of the gangsta group Pimps-n-Wheels, and a rather cute front desk guy that I really regret shooting personally through the head. Sometimes I just get caught up in the moment.

You might not think there is a lot of loot to be had in a record company’s office but you’re wrong. The younger the company, the more money they spend to make themselves look impressive. The lobby alone had three paintings that I didn’t recognize but I could tell by the fancy security they had around them that they were worth something. CookBot looted them in a tsunami second and had them packed in the van. 1stMateBot liberated some dead rapper’s gold urn and BosunBot fleeced the rappers we blasted and sucked their jewelry straight into his on board cargo department. Me? I posed for the security cameras so they could get a good long look at me.

From there, we really had us some fun. We went up the office building slowly, shooting to stun and taking everything that couldn’t be ripped out by a Bot. We also indulged in a little arson along the way since it seemed the pirate thing to do. A little fire, a few demolished walls and stunned twitching people really helps set the mood.

It’s times like these that I really love being a super villain. I was flush with excitement, and hollering with every punk music executive that I shot. I forgot all about the miserable haircut I was hiding with my hat, I forgot about the high rent I was paying on my hideout and I didn’t think for a moment about why Jaser, my old partner didn’t call me on my birthday this year. I was kicking ass and being a pirate.

We made our way up to the penthouse office. The Bots were loaded with booty but I just had to see the top office. Pug Squire, the CEO of Maximum Security Records, was waiting for me. The crazy landlubber had flipped his desk over and was using it as a barricade. BosunBot was first in and Pug nailed him with a shotgun blast that made a mess of BosunBot’s paint job. Didn’t really hurt BosunBot but cripes, it’ll take CookBot an hour to repaint that.

I was about to toss a concussion grenade in when our little firefight was rudely interrupted. The glass windows frosted over and then shattered from intense cold. Pug stayed cowered under his desk but I didn’t care. I had real opposition now.

In flew a short but sleek looking blonde woman wearing a blue and white costume that covered her body. Correction, what I thought was white coloring was actually extreme frost. The woman was twenty feet away from me but I could already see my breath forming in front of me.

It was Frost Sting.