Haircuts of the Damned

This weekend I plan to do my big solo crime that introduces me to the citizens of Comfort Bay. I have a cunning plan all ready to go but for obvious reasons, I can't share that info with you. No sense tipping off any heroes that troll through these blogs. Don't worry, I'll tell you all about it Monday.

What I can talk about was my trip to the hair salon today. Since I expect to be on the news, I wanted to look my best. CookBot cleaned my cape and shined my boots but I don't trust a killer robot with scissors around my head, you know? Especially with the Threat Assesment malfunctions of our little furniture excursion.

So I go to a small haircut place charmingly called 'Cut Above'. I should have been tipped off by the fact that there was no waiting but I wasn't. I sat down, explained in simple terms that I needed a trim but enough long hair to flow dramatically from under my hat. I also needed my right side trimmed back over my cybernetic eye so it doesn't interfere with my targeting programs. Simple, right?

Of course it wasn't.

My stylist was a young woman who threw me off when she excitedly asked me what I did for a living. Crap, it's been so long since I dealt with normals that I didn't even think to come up with a cover story. I froze up and for some reason I told her I worked as a cab driver. She got really excited from some reason and asked me all about my job. her scissors are flying fast and furious and I'm desperately putting together a false life where I deal with sailors looking for bars, women stood up on dates and anything else I can think of. When she asked me if I was worried about getting killed by a super-villain, I broke out in an evil disbelieving laugh. It was an uncomfortable silence when I finally stopped. Darn it, maintaining cover is hard work.

She didn't talk much more after that, which is a shame because she was butchering my hair and if she had asked, I could have told her that I didn't need a mullet. I could have also told her that I just needed a little more off my right side, not an entire quadrant. I of course didn't know anything of this as I had my eyes closed and was thinking of my Big Crime. If I had known, I could have shot her with my concealed Blastket and saved my poor lovely hair.

When the ordeal was done, I looked up and saw what this assassin had done to my hair. It truly was a work of evil. I had a mullet instead of my usual long red locks. The right side of my hair had been savaged and made my cybernetic eye look like after effect of a crazed surgeon. Worse of all was the smile the stylist had.

"Is this what you were going for?" she asked sweetly.

"Yes, thank you very much," I said through gritted teeth. I paid her in cash although I skimped on a tip. It might be too much to shoot her down in broad daylight but I wasn't going to reward her for the massacre.

I did however enter 'Cut Above' into my GPS system for future refrences. If I ever launch a missle at Comfort Bay, I'll make this place ground zero.

Sigh, at least my hat hides most of the damage. I don't know how normal people put up with this level of crappy service. Do stylists always screw up and destroy hair like this? Why aren't heroes working on that as their big mission? I'd actually spare a hero's life if they waged a war against Criminal Hair Salons but nooooo, heroes like The Choice are too busy fighting petty stuff like political corruption or serial killings. Idiots.