Robbery on the Highways
Sheer brilliant inspiration struck me Friday. Robbing banks is passe, and not very Pirate like but you know what is? Hitting armored bank trucks while they are in transit. Oh yeah.
I don't know why anyone hasn't thought of this before. The bank trucks take a different route but once BosunBot hacked into their system, we had several routes to choose from. I liked the one where a bank truck was on the interstate. HelmsBot logged the route into his memory and we were off.
Picture it. You're some guard driving a heavily fortified bank van carrying craploads of money. You've been trained in various super-villain methods of robbing. You got the Mindsheild 5000 protective helmet. You're armed with the nastiest guns in existence and been told to shoot first and examine costumed people later. You're itching to to get robbed because you know you're going to be a hero and not crap your pants.
Then, in your rear view mirror, you see the 'Lustful Raider' speeding up to you but it's okay, you're on the interstate and that means you can really speed off. The 'Lustful Raider' is still behind you, barely keeping up but it's cool. It's action movie car chase cool.
That's when the grappling hooks fire from the hidden top mounted cannons.
Hahaha! It was inspiring. Once the hooks punctured the read of the van and six inch thick metal cables connected us, the bank van just drove straight ahead. They couldn't exactly shake us then, and any fancy driving might have caused us to smack into innocent drivers with very eager lawyers. The guards in the van didn't know what to do, which was exactly the hesitation we were looking for.
1stMateBot and BosunBot led the charge. Emerging from the back doors of the 'Lustful Raider', they climbed onto the roof and launched themselves at the bank van. It was exhilarating to sit in the passenger seat and watch robots leaping through the air to land on another car. Next time, I'm going to have to try that for myself.
The Bots landed on the bank truck and ripped the roof off. I watched as they fired several hundred laser shots into whatever resistance must have been in there. I didn't see anything shoot back. Then it was just a matter of having CookBot and CabinBot jump over there to help with the unloading.
Now, I can't imagine what the driver must have been thinking. He's got someone with freaking grappling hooks attached to him, slowing him down to a breezy 70 miles an hour. His buddies in the back are unconscious and a bunch of robots are making multiple trips to loot the raw cash. At this point he might have called it in and is asking for advice. The dispatcher is probably looking in his manual to see if being robbed in transit has any proper responses. Meanwhile, the driver is having to contend with the usual crappy drivers in Comfort Bay traffic. It'd suck to be him.
My Bots took ten minutes to transfer the cash from one van to another. To pass the time, I took potshots at any cars that got too close. You would think that two vans connected by grappling hooks would encourage people to keep their distance but the space between us just caused drivers to want to somehow cut in. Someone in a freaking BMW Mini Cooper actually tried to get under the cables and pass between us. I shoot his rear windshield out to teach him the errors of his ways.
One cute black guy drove along side and was snapping pictures with his camera phone. I rolled down my window and posed for a few dramatic shots. Villains don't really have fans as much as we have enthusiastic witnesses.
Eventually the Bots finished unloading and returned to the 'Lustful Raider'. HelmsBot engaged one of his many escape routines and we managed to make it back to base without even a single police car on our tail.
Here it is Sunday night, and I've got more raw cash than I've ever held onto in years. No need to even fence this junk. I was tempted to hit the strip bars but just the thought of a buff guy still makes me queasy. Oh well, I spent two relaxing days drinking and watching James Bond movies on AMC. Maybe I'll hit the bars next week.
I don't know why anyone hasn't thought of this before. The bank trucks take a different route but once BosunBot hacked into their system, we had several routes to choose from. I liked the one where a bank truck was on the interstate. HelmsBot logged the route into his memory and we were off.
Picture it. You're some guard driving a heavily fortified bank van carrying craploads of money. You've been trained in various super-villain methods of robbing. You got the Mindsheild 5000 protective helmet. You're armed with the nastiest guns in existence and been told to shoot first and examine costumed people later. You're itching to to get robbed because you know you're going to be a hero and not crap your pants.
Then, in your rear view mirror, you see the 'Lustful Raider' speeding up to you but it's okay, you're on the interstate and that means you can really speed off. The 'Lustful Raider' is still behind you, barely keeping up but it's cool. It's action movie car chase cool.
That's when the grappling hooks fire from the hidden top mounted cannons.
Hahaha! It was inspiring. Once the hooks punctured the read of the van and six inch thick metal cables connected us, the bank van just drove straight ahead. They couldn't exactly shake us then, and any fancy driving might have caused us to smack into innocent drivers with very eager lawyers. The guards in the van didn't know what to do, which was exactly the hesitation we were looking for.
1stMateBot and BosunBot led the charge. Emerging from the back doors of the 'Lustful Raider', they climbed onto the roof and launched themselves at the bank van. It was exhilarating to sit in the passenger seat and watch robots leaping through the air to land on another car. Next time, I'm going to have to try that for myself.
The Bots landed on the bank truck and ripped the roof off. I watched as they fired several hundred laser shots into whatever resistance must have been in there. I didn't see anything shoot back. Then it was just a matter of having CookBot and CabinBot jump over there to help with the unloading.
Now, I can't imagine what the driver must have been thinking. He's got someone with freaking grappling hooks attached to him, slowing him down to a breezy 70 miles an hour. His buddies in the back are unconscious and a bunch of robots are making multiple trips to loot the raw cash. At this point he might have called it in and is asking for advice. The dispatcher is probably looking in his manual to see if being robbed in transit has any proper responses. Meanwhile, the driver is having to contend with the usual crappy drivers in Comfort Bay traffic. It'd suck to be him.
My Bots took ten minutes to transfer the cash from one van to another. To pass the time, I took potshots at any cars that got too close. You would think that two vans connected by grappling hooks would encourage people to keep their distance but the space between us just caused drivers to want to somehow cut in. Someone in a freaking BMW Mini Cooper actually tried to get under the cables and pass between us. I shoot his rear windshield out to teach him the errors of his ways.
One cute black guy drove along side and was snapping pictures with his camera phone. I rolled down my window and posed for a few dramatic shots. Villains don't really have fans as much as we have enthusiastic witnesses.
Eventually the Bots finished unloading and returned to the 'Lustful Raider'. HelmsBot engaged one of his many escape routines and we managed to make it back to base without even a single police car on our tail.
Here it is Sunday night, and I've got more raw cash than I've ever held onto in years. No need to even fence this junk. I was tempted to hit the strip bars but just the thought of a buff guy still makes me queasy. Oh well, I spent two relaxing days drinking and watching James Bond movies on AMC. Maybe I'll hit the bars next week.
posted by Shon Richards @ 1/15/2006 07:39:00 AM
1 Comments:
At 3:07 PM,
Master Zaprobo said…
I never thought of simply appropriating the cash and then using it to purchase things. I normally take the ZR Series and myself on site and extract the goods directly...
Each to their o.... ZR-3! Put that Sky Raider dow... oh, crump... ((signal ends))
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