Dead with No Sequel

Bummer of a day mixed with some kissing so it evens out.

I woke up this morning with a knock on the door. Now, being an allegedly abandoned warehouse, we don't get many visitors. I answered the door and lamented the fact that if it was a hero, my new anchor deathtrap is a good 10 feet away from the front door. I had my Blastket ready but I wasn't ready for who was behind the door. It was Jaser, an ex-partner/ex boyfriend.

"Scarlett! Johnny was right! You do live here!"

I was still stunned. "Yeah, hey. Umm, come in. Oh wait, let me deactivate the anchor."

Jaser, the human laser. I hadn't seen him since we parted ways. He wanted to be full time partners and I wasn't ready for the big leagues. Cripes, he seemed taller now. He also had a goatee that actually looked good on him. The red eyes were still sexy.

"Have you heard about Professor Malice?" he asked.

"No, what's the old genius up to these days?" Professor Malice was our boss when we were just henchmen. He was a crazy evil coot who studied Science with a capitol S. Professor Malice helped design my Bots, helped Jaser achieve lightspeed and made me a miniature world once so I could watch it drown. He was the evil non bad touching uncle we never had.

"Professor Malice was killed last week," Jaser said.

We just stared at each other as I soaked it in. "I need a drink. Come on."

Jaser was quiet as I lead him deep into my hideout. Damn, Professor Malice? He was a classy kind of villain. Nothing like the punk trash we have today. Jaser and I were both overcome. That lasted till Jaser saw my bar.

"Holy Christ! Did you rob an entire saloon?"

"Well yeah, I did sort of go over board with my spending. I wanted my own stocked bar."

Jaser whistled as he helped himself. He made me a Rum and Coke just like he used to. "Wow, Scarlett, there's well stocked and there's needing to hire a bartender just to keep the bottles dusted. Hey, isn't it a bit early for a drink."

"Tell you what, next time an old boss of mine dies, I'll wait till noon o start drinking. Now pass me the glass."

Jaser smiled and passed me the glass. He then poured himself some whiskey. I don't know if it was the grief talking or my hormones, but his throat sure did look sexy when he swallowed.

"Who killed him?" I asked.

"No one," Jaser said.

I said an expletive.

"No, really," Jaser continued. "My old communicator was in my closet and it started beeping. After I dug it out, it took me a minute to figure out what three red pulses meant. When I remembered it was the highest level distress signal, I shifted to laser form and hit all his hideouts. Five minutes later I was checking out secret laboratory five, you know, the one under the Mississippi river? Well, the place was wrecked and glowing with this weird red goo. The stuff was noxious. I had to stay in laser form to keep from breathing the stuff. I burned it all away and let the automatic systems cleanse the air."

Jaser took a long hard drink. "I found his body in the lab. He had been blasted to pieces. I could tell the origin of the blast was from his lab table, and of course that's where the red goo was. It looked like he died instantly."

"Was his brain there?" I asked. "I remember that one time, when Captain Freedom fought him and-"

"No," Jaser interrupted. "His brain was there. It was all over the lab actually. There was no chance of a brain transplant this time. I'm sorry, Scarlett."

"That's . . .so weird," I said. "Professor Malice had threatened the world. He's killed his own share of heroes. He should have gone out in a big fight with some nasty device counting down to a final devastation. Not killed like an idiot in a lad accident."

Jaser shrugged and refilled our drinks.

"He was a crazy inventor who would have destroyed the world just to prove a theory, but he was a nice boss who always treated a henchman like a friend, not a sacrificial pawn."

I nodded. "here's to Professor Malice, who most likely is calculating the temperature in Hell right now."

Jaser smiled and toasted my glass.

"I'm sorry I had to bring such bad news," he said.

"It's all right, I'm more worried about how you found my hideout so quickly."

"Oh it was nothing. Your attacks on hospitals made national news you know. What was that all about?"

"Oh nothing," I lied. If I told him about General Surgeon, then Jaser would just want to help, and then he would want to stick around and then he would want to be partners again. Before you know it, he'd come up with a cool name for us and be picking out China patterns.

"I was just blowing off steam, putting some terror into the public," I said.

"Well, once I knew you were in Comfort Bay, I hit the bars to see if anyone knew of you. That's when I ran into Johnny Mars and he told me where you were."

"You know, I never did figure out how Johnny knew about my lair."

"Yeah, he's not a rocket scientist . . . not like Professor Malice was."

I looked away and Jaser did too. I couldn't believe it. We were super-villains and we were choking up over a crazy fart who once tried to make a black hole at the Washington Monument. I knew we should be tougher but man, Professor Malice was one of the good bad guys.

"So, do you know if he had any family?" Jaser said.

"The Professor? No, I think he used them for some sort of genetic experiment, right?"

"Oh yeah," Jaser said. "He turned his parents into centaurs or something when he was 14."

"That was our Professor."

Jaser put his hand on mine.

"What should we do about him? No one's going to bury him. Hell, most people think he's dead anyway. Ever since he started researching string theories, he dropped out of the public eye."

I was half listening to Jaser. His hand felt good. I am not sure if I missed him, or if I just missed human contact. I sat there in silence puzzling out my feelings. Then an idea hit me.

"Let's bury him all right, but let's give him a good send off," I said. I also pulled my hand away and finished my Rum.

"What do you have in mind?" Jaser said.

I told him. I was making it up on the fly, just totally riffing on something Professor Malice might do. Maybe it was the Rum talking, or maybe it was just the fact that Jaser's red eyes still gave me butterflies when he looked at me just right, but I came up with one crazy plan. By the time I finished, Jaser was laughing and giving me high fives.

Then he kissed me.

I broke the kiss and glared at him. I did NOT need this kind of complication!

But then I kissed him back. And I kept at it until visions of green decaying stripper boys surfaced to mind. That's another one I owe General Surgeon.

"Whoa," Jaser said. Then his laser quick brain started working. "Look, Scarlett, I've been meaning to tell you-"

"Hush," I said. "We have a lot of work to get done in a short time. You know what we need, and you're the human laser. Get cracking and meet back here tomorrow morning. I've got my own preparing to do."

He smiled and then remembered he was a super-villain. "Aye aye, Captain," he smirked. And in a blink he was gone.

I sat down in front of the TV and had CookBot make me some breakfast. That's where I stayed, working on the plan and figuring out the hardware we would need. I took a break for CSI because heck, it's CSI. It felt good to spend a day planning instead of killing time. As sad as I was to hear of the Professor's death, I couldn't help be a little excited.

This was going to rock.