Ransom Payoff!

It's amazing how much of my mind has melted. Johnny's non stop videogames, bad television and worse of all, endless chatter about himself and his exploits, has turned my mind to mush. Other than the modifications to the BarnacleBots to keep me from humping him, I have done nothing worthwhile in the last two weeks. As Johnny keeps talking about himself, I feel less of a person and more like a shallow background character who exists merely to listen to Johnny's stories like some sort of weird high tech pirate Dr. Watson.

So Friday was the deadline and I was starting to get antsy. No word from Animal Master and I was wondering if all this waiting was for nothing. I promised myself that if Animal Master flaked out on me, I would dedicate the rest of my life to figuring out a way to kill Johnny's invincible mutant self. That gave me a warm feeling.

At 10 in the morning, I got the e-mail I had been waiting for. Well, sort of.

Drake!

I have your ransom but the Choice is here along with is here at my hideout my If you want your ransom, you're going to have to come get it your self.

Animal Master,
Lord of the Concrete Jungle

All right!

Angela, Johnny, the Bots and I loaded into the 'Lustful Raider'. We about damn near raced into it. Johnny didn't put on a shirt, Angela forgot to wear her new combat boots and even I forgot to pack my small hand Blastket. We had cabin fever of the worse kind and someone just invited us to kick hero butt. HelmsBot was given the order to run red lights, go down one way streets and run over any old ladies if it will get us there faster.

We only sideswiped one bicycle rider, but we did get there pretty fast.

What Animal Master neglected to mention was that his secret hideout was surrounded by a wall of police officers. HelmsBot stuck to his programming by ramming right through one car and over a roadblock. Then he smashed through the garage doors before I could command him to do something a bit more cautious. It worked out all right though, he burst right through those doors and spun the 'Lustful Raider' into a cool skid that wiped out a bunch of over excited cyber monkeys.

Another freaking warehouse. I swear, it feels like I spend all my days now at either my warehouse hideout or others'. I might move to another city just for a change in variety of hideouts.

The back doors popped open and Johnny took the lead. That was cool. My crew and I followed behind him, shooting at whatever shot at him. He can take it. Plus, it helps get him angry and fires up those mutant hormones of his. A giant bull-man thing charged at us and Johnny grabbed him around the throat and just snapped his neck. It was all very impressive. Less impressive was my Bots shooting a downed cybernetic bull-man, but hey, you got to make sure they stay down.

Johnny led us deep into the lair where we could hear the sounds of battle. I have to say, it was one hell of a fight. Frost Sting was there, blasting what looked like an endless horde of tricked out cyber cats. She was freezing them solid in blocks of ice and looked like she had the whole army locked down. Animal Master was going toe to toe with the Choice and loosing. Look, I've fought the Choice and that is one smooth black martial artist chick. Animal Master was 90% cybernetics and it looked like she had already smashed most of his body with her bare hands.

Everyone on my side of the room winced when Choice delivered a perfect kick right upside Animal Master's head. The animal mutating bastard went down with a thud.

"Johnny, engage the Choice! Bots, attack Frost Sting, plan code Freezeburn. Angela, you're with me. "

"The name's Quartermistress!" Angela yelled, but she followed me as I charged behind Johnny. The big mutant ran right for Choice and before she could react, he had already bowled her over. They were fighting, wrestling and struggling with each other. I had to wonder if even Choice could deal with Johnny's pent up violent tension.

The Bots on the other hand were acting on a program I had designed after my last battle with Frost Sting. All of their engines revved up into over-clocking mode and they spread out to neutralize her mastery of big freaking ice attacks. The blonde ice queen was fast, but I had modified my Bot's laser weapons to fire in rapid wide streams. The damage wasn't as great, and it drained their engine something terrible, but I could already see her getting battered by a dozen shots as she tried to dodge them all.

Angela covered me as I made my way to Animal Master. An over excited robo-squirrel tried to stop me but Angela took him down with only three shots. Animal Master was out cold but that's what a few good open handed smacks with the hand is good for.

"Wha? Who dares!" Animal Master yelled when he awoke.

"I do," I snapped. "Scarlett Drake here to save your scurvy behind. Where's my ransom?"

"You're here!" he said. Damn. Choice's kick to the head must have addled him.

"Where's the ransom you worthless excuse for a mad scientist?"

"It's loaded into the truck by the escape tunnel," he said. His eyes were having trouble focusing. They rolled into the back of his head as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

"Wake up!" I screamed as I shook him.

I heard a terrific explosion and spun around. A eight foot tall tiger/cybernetic lass was firing a shoulder mounted missile launcher at Choice. I watched as Choice leaped in the air like she was in the freaking Matrix and deflect the missile with a kick. This deflected warhead was sent our way. I had just enough time to grab Angela and dive behind a research table for cover. The explosion was deafening.

There was a lot of smoke but my cybernetic eye let me see through the haze. Frost Sting was hiding behind a wall of ice but my Bots were chopping it down pretty quickly. The tiger chick was out of missiles but Johnny was clutching Choice in a painful bear hug. I think he was also copping a feel but hey, that's just his way. I looked around for Animal Master and found him lying beside the table we used for cover.

I also saw him on a crate, and over by the doorway we came through. Animal Master was all over the blasted room and with him went the secret of where my ransom was.

Johnny started to spin and within seconds he was going faster than a blender. I wasn't sure what he was doing till he let Choice go and through her upwards through the roof. The heroine went flying like a human Frisbee and I hope she landed somewhere very hard.

As for Frost Sting, the blonde coward had escaped through a hallway, leaving a wall of ice to cover her escape. I was hoping she was running away again, but you never know with heroes. I know my Bots must have tagged her a dozen times with their lasers but knowing that bitch, she'll be back to smack me around when I least need it.

"Good work, Johnny!" I said. I was going to say more but the big tiger woman with the largest treasure chests I have ever seen rushed up to him and grabbed him in a big hug. For a moment I thought she was going to bite his face off, but instead she just licked him a lot with her humongous tongue.

"Wow," Angela said. I knew how she felt. There was something about an anthropomorphic barely dressed tiger woman that makes you feel inadequate as a woman. Sheesh, I bet she bathes with her tongue too.

"Enough of the happy reunion," I yelled. "Frost Sting will be back and so will Choice whenever she lands. We need to get out of here."

"Felicia comes with us!" Johnny yelled. The tiger-woman was still licking his face.

"Fine, as long as she knows where my ransom is."

"It's by the escape tunnel," the tiger-woman said. "It's where we drive out so people watching the warehouse can't see us leave and enter the lair. The tunnel goes to an old shipping yard."

I almost licked the tiger-woman myself. "My drove in through the garage doors. is there a route to the escape tunnel?"

"No," Felicia said. "Master set up his lab between there and the escape tunnel."

"HelmsBot," I said into my communicator. "Prepare to drive the 'Lustful Raider' to my location."

Felicia showed us the escape tunnel and I have to say, it was pretty cool. I'd have to get one of those for myself. Outside the police were issuing demands through a loud speaker but I really couldn't hear them over HelmsBot driving through the interior of the warehouse. Glass, electronics and failed experiments were run over as cheap walls were knocked down. I'm thankful for the noise because Johnny and Felicia kept making out and trust me, those sounds were not cool.

I drove Animal Master's truck while HelmsBot carried my crew. Angela rode with me because quite frankly, I didn't want her sitting with Johnny and his new girlfriend. If those two 'celebrated' their reunion, it might scar Angela for life. Besides, Animal Master had one long escape tunnel and I was glad for the company. It was scary driving a pick in a dead villain's tunnel, never knowing if a hero was going to come crashing down and stop your getaway with a karate chop or a wall of ice. Being buried alive with a truck full of stolen money is not how I plan to die.

No one stopped us in the tunnel.

This wasn't what I had in mind for a ransom scheme but I have to say, it worked out all right.